Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
