I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
