when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
