Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
