I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
