You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
she told me i tasted like america
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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