Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
