Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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