so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
