the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
