So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
