There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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