those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
