its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
