So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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