i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
