My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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