So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I intend to get homeless drunk
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
