whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
