So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
