You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
