I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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