ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I wish they made helmets for livers.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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