am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
