I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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