A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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