Your face is a jimmy john
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Randomize
