She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
