The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
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