tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
He shit in the fireplace
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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