420 ftw
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
