im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
