Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
