he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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