thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
