She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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