he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
