im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
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