He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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