Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
