Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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