guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
