you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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