Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
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