i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
