New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
