we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
