you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
