o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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