Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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