No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
