um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
