Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
