he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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