So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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