He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
