at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
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I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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