i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
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i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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