Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Every concussion has its silver lining
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
