Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
