I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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