remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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