he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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