I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
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