He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
