hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
