My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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