soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
