youre lurking in front of me
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Dignity is for republicans.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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