I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
