I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
