Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
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