Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I have fence marks all over my body
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
