the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
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When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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