It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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