I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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